"Run for 20 minutes and you will feel better.
Run for another 20 and you might tire.
Add on another 3 hours and you'll hurt.
Keep going.....and you'll see, smell, hear, and taste the world
with a vividness that will make your former life pale."
--Scott Jurek
Summer High
After my summer
adventure at Lake Tahoe, I was riding an unbelievable high. Finishing something as hard as the Tahoe Rim Trail Endurance Runs 100 Miler from the spot I was in around mile 69 was just miraculous. It's a "high" I hope everyone encounters in their lifetime. You could ask me to do something, and I was 100% positive I could
accomplish it. My runs during August were all spectacular because of my
newfound belief in myself.
So, just six-and-a-half weeks later, we had a planned trip to return to the
Run Woodstock trail running weekend at Pinckney State Recreation Area in Hell, Michigan. I say 'we' because this trip was originally started by my friend, Jody, back in early 2019. The Hallucination 100 was my very first 100-mile race and my first
100-mile DNF (Jody was there to pace me). But, once I heard Jody was going....there was no way in Hell (pun intended) that I was gonna let one of my friend's go back and finish the race I quit before I got a shot at it again. So, I signed up. In total, we got four members of our running group (Jody, Don, Andy and myself) to sign up for a weekend of ultra-running!
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| Showing off our buckles...motivating Don! |
This race meant something to everyone. Don was trying for some redemption after DNF-ing his first 100-miler. Jody wanted another buckle. Andy wanted adventure. I was there to redeem my 2016 performance. In the end, I think we were all there because of what we get from those deep, dark moments in an ultra race where you get a good look into yourself and what you are made of. It's a place you don't often find yourself, and getting there and back is a journey not to be underestimated. I like the way David Blaikie so elegantly phrased it:
"...perhaps the genius of ultraunning is its supreme lack of utility. It makes no sense, in a world of space ships and super computers, to run vast distances on foot. There is no money in it and no fame...frequently, not even the approval of peers. But as poets, apostles and philosophers have insisted from the dawn of time, there is more to life than the logic and common sense. The ultrarunner knows this instinctively. And they know something else that is lost on the sedentary. They understand, perhaps better than anyone, that the doors to the spirit will swing open with physical effort. In running such long and taxing distances, they answer a call from the deepest realms of their being ... a call that asks who they are."
Hallucination 100 - Pre-race
So, we headed to Hell, Michigan for a weekend of running! The drive up was uneventful, but full of talk about running, dreams and aspirations. The Hallucination 100 differs from other ultras because it starts in the late afternoon (4pm). So, we spent the day lounging, enjoying everyone's company, eating carbs and resting!
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| Me and Angela just relaxing the day away. |
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| Don and Andy completely relaxed. |
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| Jody out. |
Eventually, we had to get up....lace up....and get ready for our race!
I really like the start of Hallucination 100. Prior to the actual start, they play the Star Spangled Banner just like Jimi did at Woodstock. And then....we are off!
Lap #1 -- Miles 1-17
Hallucination 100 is a loop course. Each loop consists of single-track trail and gravel roads for approximately 17 miles. So, six laps for the 100-miler.
I never intend to run an entire race with someone. But, Andy and I stuck together thru lap #1. It was me leading the way thru a course that is 100% runnable. That is the dangerous proposition at Woodstock....you CAN run the whole thing....but what will that do to your body? And, can you keep that pace up? Well, we came thru lap #1 in 3:01:39. Not terribly fast, but certainly not slow enough. We even had the conversation a few miles from the end of the lap about how Angela would be angry with me for going out so fast. I do remember Andy tripping and falling during the loop at some point....but he wasn't injured....because he's a total BADASS. Lap #1 at Hallucination is great because it's like a quick "course preview" before the sun goes down. Nearly everyone gets it done before dark.
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| Lap #1 reapplying necessary umm....stuff. |
Lap #2 -- Miles 17-34
Lap #2 Andy led the way. We were continuing our stunningly fast pace without much effort. Both of us were fueling well and just plowing thru the course. And then....
POP!!....
SLAM! Yup, as I am prone to do, at mile 11-ish, I rolled my ankle over a tree root and slammed to the ground. This is
EXACTLY what happened in 2016....I rolled my ankle, continued about 12 more miles and then quit. So, just as my day was starting, I had already made a pretty grave mistake. I cursed myself. Andy helped me up. We walked a bit. And then....we got back to it....finishing lap #2 in 3:47:xx. Yeah, we slowed down a bit (mostly me) but we were still killing that 24-hour pace of 4 hours per lap. Unfortunately, when we returned from lap #2, Jody was sitting in the tent. His knee was acting up and he had quit at mile 21. I was heartbroken for him.
Lap #3 -- Miles 34-51
Lap #3 the darkness had settled in. It was past 10:30PM, the moon was less than half, and there was really nothing to do but keep your eyes on the bright spot created by your headlamp and continue your forward progress. Andy and I hadn't said much during our first two laps, which is HIGHLY unusual for the two of us. But, we were two very focused men who were both having the same thoughts...."damn, I wish he'd walk once in a while so I could rest."....but no one was saying it. I started the lap in the lead without much thought. Later, Andy would tell me he wasn't in a great mental spot here but my persistence kept him moving. From his physical demeanor, you couldn't tell he was hurting in any way. We slowed our pace due to the nighttime darkness and the ever increasing mileage, but we finished lap #3 in 4:18:xx. Our 50-mile split was 11:06:26. Still FAR below the 24-hour pace we both had agreed would be completely do-able for this race given the flat profile of the course.
Lap #4 -- Miles 51-68
Lap #4 was where I started to really feel the fast start catching up to me. We walked more, but we also talked more. It was still a good lap for about 12 miles. Eventually, I was coming to the realization that my ankle was bothering me, my mind was failing me, and I wasn't going to be able to keep pushing this. Andy stayed with me the entire lap, but I was just holding him back. Our goal was to finish the lap as the sun rose, leaving just a 50k for the daytime hours. However, my decreased willingness to run tanked our pace and we saw the sun rise with about two miles to go. We finished lap #4 (68 miles) in 4:55:xx (16:01:16 elapsed). STILL at the 24-hour pace.
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| Crazy Hippies!!! |
After the completion of lap #4, I needed a LOT of attention. I was chaffing on my inner thighs so badly it was bleeding. I was chaffing in my buttcrack. My left ankle was tender. The bottoms of my feet were just killing me (we think it was the 6 miles of gravel road each loop....they were hard like cement). I needed a solid 15-20 minute break to reapply diaper creme, biofreeze, intake food, tylenol, etc. I FINALLY convinced Andy that we needn't stay together. He had a race to run and he was only getting stronger. He left me and never looked back. His laps continued to tick away and he finished in 23:24:28!! He just got stronger, managed the pain, and kicked that course straight in the arse!
I wish I could say I got up from that chair at mile 68 and re-energized myself....but I didn't. But, I don't remember having any "I am quitting" statements. I felt like real shit, but I was here for one thing: to finish, no matter the cost. I went thru a routine, tried to pull myself out of that dark place, laced up my shoes and got ready. In fact, I was so depressed about how it was going, it spurred Jody to lace his shoes back up and join me to start the lap! I was really glad to have Jody pacing me. I owe so much to him for this ultrarunning journey, it's nice to share it with him.
Lap #5 -- Miles 68-85
Jody and I eventually started lap #5. The only thought in my head was that halfway thru this lap was where I quit before, and that's where I wanted to surpass this time around. When we arrived at the first aid station (Gracie), Jody took his pacer bib off and handed it to my friend, Mark.
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| Mark .. always cheerful! |
I can't say this development made me enthusiastic. I love Mark. But, I knew he wasn't gonna take my shit. He wasn't gonna baby me. He was going to continually harass me thru the rest of this. And, thru the rest of the lap, that's exactly what he did ... "Do you think you can run here?...Let's go.". We weren't running fast by any stretch of imagination, but we managed to finish lap #5 in 4:59:xx (21:00:34 elapsed). We were still headed for a very respectable 24-26 hour finish.
Lap #6 -- Miles 85-100+
As Andy and I had talked several miles earlier, we laughed at how "easy" this race was and both wondered what adversity would come our way. As we started lap #6, the bell lap, adversity was rearing it's nasty head at me. I had nothing nice to say, no pleasant thoughts, and I was just generally pissy. Not even ringing the bell for the final lap encouraged me:
This is where I was really displeased with myself. I managed to come back at Tahoe and really finish strong. I was looking for that magic here....but it just wasn't there. I kept taking inventory of my physical condition:
- Left ankle tender and minor swelling
- Inner thighs chaffed and bleeding
- Right armpit chaffing painfully
- Soles of feet just tender and in extreme pain
- Tendons behind both knees painful from overuse
But, I was still moving forward....even if it was approaching that dreaded "death march". I was angry at myself for not being able to pull it together. I was not happy that I was there, but I was going to finish.
To add insult to injury, with about 12 miles to go, my contacts were so dry they became blurred. I couldn't see the trail in front of me, making it even more treacherous than necessary. This just was not my day.
Mark kept me moving. He kept talking and I would just listen and walk. Not even the sounds of the finish line spurred my emotions to happy place. Mark convinced me to run the final 200 meters "for show".
Hobbling in right at the 27-hour mark (27:00:37) after a 5:59:57 lap wasn't ideal, but it was done. It was my fastest 100-mile finish. I walked right to a chair and sat down. I told Angela and the medical staff that I couldn't see. They provided me with some eye drops. Add in the tears of disappointment and my vision cleared up.
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| Finished. |
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I know I should have smiled. I know elation should have rushed over me. I know I should be thankful I can complete things like this. But, this was depressing. I didn't even want the buckle when Angela showed it to me. This wasn't a happy finish. I spent 91 miles babying my ankle. I spent 60 miles in a very dark spot that I couldn't emotionally dig myself out of. I have learned thru the years how to get my body, physically, through these things....but the mental part is still a real struggle for me. Someone once said "An ultra is 90% mental and the other 10% is in your head." I couldn't agree more.
Hallucination 100 -- Post Race
I mean...I finished, right?
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| Take that Hippies!!! |
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| Swag! |
I am SUPER THANKFUL for my friends who came along and helped me through this one. These ultra races are a real journey for me, but they are journeys that I wouldn't want to do alone too often.
Jody -- I have said it before, and I will continue to say it....Jody is one-of-a-kind! He will go anywhere and do anything to see his friends succeed! His day was cut short due to injury, but he put that aside so that Don and I could finish our races. He needn't ever ask if I will help him run a race...he just needs to tell me when.
Mark -- Mark put up with me for about 30 awful miles. What a baby I was! He kept me moving, he tried, time and time again, to keep me running. He entertained me. If I could share my buckle with anyone, it would be with Mark (but I won't....he's already got two Hallucination buckles).
Andy -- My "brother from another mother" .... we just can't stop doing crazy shit together! I was glad for his company, his energy, and his persistence. It was great to see he finished sub-24. Whatever stupid idea we think of next.....I. AM. IN.
Don -- While we didn't get to run together, I was super excited to see him finish! Congrats!!! Don's consistency is something we should all strive for!
Linda -- I don't know how you do it. She continually is prepared for everything. I do my best to avoid letting her change my stinky shoes/socks, but she is always willing to jump in and help. She is as reliable as a person gets! Thank you for everything you do!!!!
Angela -- Once again you were there for me when I needed it most. You didn't waiver on your belief that I would finish. It's always one of the best feelings to see you at the finish. I'm glad my partner in life is willing to watch me suffer so much for something as stupid as a belt buckle!!! I LOVE YOU!
So, where do I go from here? Anywhere I damn well please!! It's taken a few days, but the high of finishing another ultra has settled in. My body has recovered. I'm ready to find another adventure. Andy and I have a few things in our heads that we might get accomplished. In the meantime, each of my 100-mile finishes this summer have been Western States qualifying races, so I WILL be putting my name into that hat, regardless if my odds are slim. Until the next adventure......adios!!
